So, it's 5:10 a.m. and I haven't slept yet. I've been in bed, waiting for sleep, but sleep never came. I suppose part of me is still waiting, but the rest of me realizes that the wait is futile. Looks like it's another sleepless night.
Only, for once, this sleepless night has not been seen alone. Turns out, John can't sleep either. I turned my computer on around 3-something this morning, only to find him still online. We had said goodnight almost two hours earlier, yet here we were... both still awake and wallowing in our loneliness. So now, we're both alone and lonely, but we're somewhat together in it. How strange. But, it almost makes the night pass a bit easier.
I'm also awake because I've decided to put a stop to things with the latest online guy. The more I think about it, the less I feel like this guy could be someone I could spend more than 24 hours with. He called me 4 times and sent me two text messages. See, I usually call someone and then wait for them to call me back. I don't keep calling... and I don't want a guy who does either. It just seems overly protective and possessive for his having known me for such a short time. I don't think I'm the girl he thinks I am, and I don't want to be the girl I think he wants. It's just not my style, and I change for no man.
I've decided to leave the online dating world again. I got tired of the winks from guys who obviously don't care enough to read my profile and see that I don't want smokers or guys over the age of 30. Or the guys who care enough to send me messages... but not enough to read the profile to see that I'm not paying for this service, so I can't read the messages anyway. I just don't feel comfortable with meeting people this way. There's too much concern on my part -- that they won't like what they see when they meet me, or that I won't like what I see. Besides, I like to read body language when I meet people and I can't do that over the phone. There's just too much a person can hide over the phone, and I'd rather not go through that again.
I wonder if my past experience is making me overly cautious, or if I'm just more realistic these days. I just can't seem to trust the guy over the phone because I have no way of knowing if that's who is truly is. It's also easier for me to act a part when my face can't be seen, and I don't want to do that. It isn't fair to anyone.
He was a nice enough guy, but not the guy for me. But I'm sad knowing that, once again, cupid's arrows were not meant for me.