Yeah, that's right, I'm back. I'm not sure why, but I've missed writing. And I've missed some of the people on here.
A lot has been going on. Since my last article my senior year has come and gone. I should be graduating, but one of the side effects to changing your major so often is that you have to spend extra time in college. That's quite all right though, I wasn't really ready to enter the real world anyway.
I recently had a car accident on my way to Jonesboro. I glare at every red sports car that passes me now, since that is what ran me off the road. And I know what you're thinking, "Sure, someone ran you off the road..." but it's the truth. I ended up in the median of the interstate with a busted car and s/he didn't stop.
And why was I on my way to Jonesboro? Because that's where the love of my life lives. And yes, I said it, he's the love of my life. The funny thing is, two years ago, I would never have called him that. This man is the same one I dated two years ago. Two years ago he was in a hurry to get married, was looking for love anywhere he could find it, didn't have a "real" job and wasn't ready, even if he thought he was.
Now, the boy has turned into a man. He got engaged after we broke up, and she cheated on him. That seemed to mature him pretty fast. Since then he has calmed down on the marriage front, has made some real friends, reconnected with his family, got a job he loves and is moving into his own place with two of his buddies. He is confident, caring and a perfect gentleman.
Obviously there is a problem. I wouldn't be writing if there wasn't a problem. We get along great. We've done the long-distance thing for six months this time without a problem. We talk every night, even if only to say "I love you" and "sweet dreams" and we see each other fairly often. I have most definitely fallen in love with him. I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is, he is now afraid of marriage.
Two years ago he was rushing to the altar with anyone who would say yes, and, after Her, he isn't sure if he ever wants to get married. Part of me is thankful that he isn't rushing, but I am worried. The problem is, I'm going to be moving even farther away in a year. I have to choose a graduate school, and then I have to go there. I don't think I'm strong enough to keep up a long distance relationship across state lines for the next few years. We do fine now -- it hurts every time we say goodbye, but I know that everything will be ok because we love each other. I don't panic when he has lunch with his female friends, I don't cry and feel like my heart is breaking just because I don't see him. However, another three to ten years of "I don't know when I'll see you again" and goodbyes is too hard. Plus, I'm afraid of what could happen during the travelling. After all, I was about five mph from flipping my car and having who knows what happen to me.
My friends find it amusing that I want to get married this time and he wanted to last time. They think we will, once our "p's and q's get straightened out" but I still worry. He doesn't know this, but I've given myself a deadline: If we aren't sure about what's going to happen to us (ie, we're engaged) by the time I graduate, then we're going to have to split.
Well, that's about it. Hehehe, my first article back and I'm unloading all my personal sh** on everyone.
It's all part of the life of a Sugar High Elf.