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Published on February 4, 2007 By Sugar High Elf In Dating
Since my breakup with the guy I thought I would end up married to, I've been making sure that I am ok. I wanted to make sure that I knew who I was and that I had my life straight before jumping back into a relationship. There's also the small matter of being older than everyone around me. (I'm a fifth year senior and there are few of us)

Recently, however, I have felt "ready" to get back in the game. I told my friends to be on the lookout for single guys that I might be compatible with. They've introduced me to some guys. There was one that I liked, but he was so shy, we barely talked.

I also wanted to look for myself. The only problem is, I don't know where to look! I don't want to go to bars to pick up guys -- that's just not my scene. The guys at school are too young, or gay. So where am I to look?

Yeah, you guessed it. I went online. I tried e-harmony first. I didn't meet the "love of my life" but I did meet this one guy in Little Rock and we are... well not friends... but we Facebook each other occasionally. Turns out we have mutual friends. But still, no love.

Then I went to Match.com. There's more freedom on Match. People can "wink" at each other to show interest -- even if they aren't paying customers. You can also see pictures and profiles of potential matches without paying.

And that's just what happened. I had a few winks, but these guys did not match me. I'm 22, and I had a 43-year-old divorced man with two kids wink at me. I didn't match him either... but I guess he thought I was cute or something. Then, I got a wink from someone that did match me. He's a teacher (history though an English minor), he loves Star Wars, Star Trek, LotR, Clerks, the Beatles and many other things that I love. He describes himself as a cineophile while I am an admitted bibliophile.

Unfortunately, we could wink at each other, but since I do not pay for the service, we could not talk to each other. I really liked his profile and tried to think of ways we could find each other. I tried to slip my e-mail address into my profile, but it was caught and my profile was not approved. My friend suggested starting a xanga account and mentioning it. I finally took her advice and mentioned in my "for fun" section that "I just started a xanga (same screen name) and it is fun."

I could not be sure if he would find this hint. I couldn't even be sure if he would ever look at my profile again.

He found it. I received a message from him yesterday. He created a quick xanga profile just so he could contact me. I emailed him back, then he me, and then I him again. Our interests are eerily similar. I can't stop smiling.

But that leads to the following: Is internet dating safe? Is it safe to meet people online and then meet them in person? I know my parents are not going to be thrilled when I tell them. (which I will only do if I actually start dating this guy)

I have a friend engaged to a man she met online. They dated for two years, he popped the question, and they'll be getting married in a year or so. My uncle recently married a woman he met online. And then, there's the excellent point my friend made, "Is it any safer to meet a guy in a bar and start dating him? It's just as random and he's just as much a stranger." She had a point.

I know I need to be careful when and if I meet this guy. My friend has already offered to "tag along" so to speak. I can see it now: this guy and I go to a restaraunt to meet and three of my good friends are at a nearby table not-so-secretly observing us and preparing themselves to defend me if this guy turns out to be creepy.

Ah well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained... right?

Comments (Page 1)
on Feb 04, 2007
Ok, first, that 43 year old man is probably honest (if randy - I did not go below 10 years younger than me). The other one may or may not be (check out the WV story of murder when a 40 year old woman pretends to be an 18 year old - her daughter - and causes a 45 year old man to kill another in jealousy over her. Very weird!

All of that is to say, be careful! But it can work.

Do not give out more than your picture and name. Nada! If you want to meet, agree to meet at a public place, preferably with friends around. I had my first date with my wife at a Japanese Steak house - with 3 of my kids with us (just so she knew I was not a player).

It was about 3 months before I actually picked her up for a date (Hey! I am a lot older and more cautious), but we had several dates after that - always meeting at an agreed upon place.

And just an FYI - It was match.com for us as well.

So:
1. Take it slow
2. Dont give out any information
3. Meet at a public place
4. Bring friends at least for the first date.

Other than that, you can have a great time and perhaps find the love of your life!
on Feb 04, 2007
It is safe to talk about favorite movies, right? Because that's about all we've e-mailed about thus far. Well, that and books and music.

The funny thing about the 43 year old was that he was looking for someone 35-45! He must have just not looked at my profile or something. I hope I don't look like I'm in my mid 30's to mid 40's. (Not there's anything wrong with that for people who are that age... but I don't even tan. I should age well!)

Thanks Doc. You give me hope.
on Feb 04, 2007
It is safe to talk about favorite movies, right? Because that's about all we've e-mailed about thus far. Well, that and books and music.


Sorry, when I said no information, I meant like personal stuff. Mother, brother sister father. Likes and dislikes are fine! You have to learn about him after all!

When I say personal stuff, it is like "I was born in.....I have lived in......My mother is.......". Not stuff like "Love LOTR and SW! And ST Rocks! You have to develope common interests.

For my wife and I, we first found we both loved SciFi and fantasy (LOTR and SW).
on Feb 04, 2007
I figured that's what you meant. We have a few details so far. I know he's a teacher (which means he passed a background check), and he has an older brother and a dog. He knows I'm graduating in May and I want to go to graduate school. And he knows I've never been beaten at LotR Trivial pursuit. He thinks he can give me a run for my money. Ha!

And now everyone on JU knows the exact same things. It's amazing what we'll tell people, huh?
on Feb 04, 2007

And now everyone on JU knows the exact same things. It's amazing what we'll tell people, huh?

But we dont know where you live.  Or enough to find out (well actually the college thing).  But that is fine.  And no, I am not going to challenge you to a LOTR trivia contest! !  I know a lot!  Just not enough to win any contests.

What was the Werebears name?

on Feb 04, 2007
I assume you mean Beorn.
on Feb 04, 2007

I assume you mean Beorn.

I was thinking of Tom Bombadil.  But I am not going to argue with the master!

on Feb 04, 2007

Sounds like you know what you're doing.

I've met a couple people off the net, from JU, and haven't been disappointed at all.

I think its very telling that he followed your clues......great minds think alike and all that.

Good luck.

on Feb 04, 2007
I assume you mean Beorn.I was thinking of Tom Bombadil. But I am not going to argue with the master!


Master may be a bit much... I was just thinking that Beorn takes the shape of a bear in The Hobbit, that's why I picked him.

Tova: Thanks for the luck. I was also impressed that he followed the clues. He must have some brains.
on Feb 04, 2007
Good luck. I married a woman from the internet, and so far I haven't been murdered yet. Her either. So that's positive.

We actually had a church for our meeting place, which felt really safe.
on Feb 04, 2007
That's great! I'm glad no one died as a result of your union.

So far, I don't think he's a creep... but that will hardly keep me from having friends along when we first meet.

My friend sent me this article on internet dating that I have to share here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-brown/fearless-internet-dating_b_36388.html
on Feb 04, 2007
Good luck. I married a woman from the internet, and so far I haven't been murdered yet. Her either. So that's positive.


Hey! I got an idea! How about a JU support group for those venturing into the world of online dating! My boss had some bad experiences, but my cousin found his wife on line. And now he has been married about 8 years (I am going on 5). Jythier?

It can work. But just be careful!
on Feb 04, 2007
My friend sent me this article on internet dating that I have to share here:


Some generalizations are fine, and can help. Hers are too sour. Quite frankly (and perhaps it is because I am a man), I never got gigged (although I got some nibbles from those who were seeking "sex" (prostitutes) or "visas". My Boss got a player. He would not allow her into his private life, and hid it. Definite red flag!

I was on any night of the week, so I think that is lame. The BJ people are in bars on friday and Saturday nights. besides, do not agree to meet with anyone as soon as you contact them on line! But you know that.

I Think if you use some common sense, and be cautious, you do not have to worry about that blog (as that blog site is not what I would call a neutral site).

And as I said, some do have bad experiences. Dont let them taint your endeavors. There are a lot or jerks out there! You will see most of them in a heart beat. Some will get through the radar. Just follow the slow and steady and public course, and any others will be laid bare. There is always the chance that one will slip through. But that is the same as in the bar world (perhaps more so in the bar world).

Good luck! Jythier and I can tell you that it works (and so can my Cousin). Others can tell you it is a nightmare. I hope you have our luck and not the others.
on Feb 04, 2007
Oh, I just thought the article was funny.

I'm learning that more people than I thought have met their significant others online. I didn't really think that it worked that well. I know my Uncle just married a woman he met online... but I thought he was the exception.

I feel pretty positive thus far. At the very least, I have met a possible friend. And at most? Well, I'm not going there yet.

One question though: do guys really lie about their height? adding two inches and stuff like that? I couldn't imagine lying about my age. If you end up with this person, they'll find out eventually, right? So why lie about height?
on Feb 04, 2007

do guys really lie about their height? adding two inches and stuff like that? I couldn't imagine lying about my age. If

I suppose some do.   I did not.  ANd because I did not, I did not see a profile from a co-worker(not that I would have wanted to )

Physical things are obvious from the first meeting.  And if you do it in a public place, no harm no foul.  Except dont believe anything else from them!  In other words, if they are going to lie about the obvious, dont trust them on anything!

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