The first thing that one would notice about you is your weight/appearance.  A compliment is always nice.  But then a true friend would be over joyed at some of your other news, and cry with you on some of the other.  Going on about your appearance after the initial meeting is not necessarily mean, but it does show a bit of shallowness on the part of the person making the comments.  I would have jumped all over the Graduate school thing - and not said much on the love life (tender feelings).

Except to say "WOW! You really are going to snare a guy now!"!!!!

J/K

You know, SHE, losing weight will help you catch a man

Yes, I knew you all would say it. I was expecting it. That's why I have a pillow nearby to punch, rather than busting my knuckles on the wall (again).

I realize that the first thing they see is my weight. I don't have a list of accomplishments tattooed on my forehead for all to read (though that is something to think about). It just seems that the other accomplishments took a little more effort, and should be valued higher than weight loss, yet that is the thing people are happy for me for. Even my mother says, "You're losing more weight! I'm so proud of you!" repeatedly, yet mentions my other accomplishments only occasionally. It's kinda funny in one sense, but annoying in another.

and not said much on the love life (tender feelings).

Ok, true. I really don't expect people to harp on that one, and wouldn't want them to anyway. I was just listing major events without thinking about if I would want people talking about them or not. I think I'll substitute "falling in and out of love" with "only a month away from graduating college". That's more fun to talk about.

You know, SHE, losing weight will help you catch a man (g!)

Oh, come on. You KNEW someone was gonna take the bait on that one!

I agree with your point on this one. It seriously pisses me off when people do that. One, I do not like to draw any more attention to myself than I already do, two because of the psychological reasons that helped cause my weight problem in the first place, it tends to get me self conscious about my weight again, which is a bad thing.

I think you're cool, regardless, hon.

One of the wonders of text anonymity.

If your friend can't relate to your accomplishments, that might cause her to harp on the stuff she *can* relate to (physical appearance stuff). Is your friend less accomplished than you? Or maybe she's jealous.

Yeah, why is that? Why is our culture so hung up on weight and keeping it off and how ultra too-too and very-very thin people are yet every where you look there's SO MUCH FOOD being pushed on you. It's kinda like LW's observation about titties -we love 'em and are all about 'em until a woman uses them for what their real purpose is.

Aww. Thanks darlin.



Nope, she's pretty accomplished. We have the same major, similar interests, and she's even in the grad school I want to go to. She's also thin. There was so much we could talk about, but she's just so proud that I'm losing weight. Plus, she's the one who kept on and on about being skinny will help me get a guy. argh.



No kidding! How am I supposed to be skinny, when there's so much great food in the world, and the portions are HUGE? I miss Italy. Great food, normal portions. I lost weight while I was there, and I felt like I was eating all the time! (It also doesn't help when you use food for a crutch -- stressed? eat. Sad? eat. Happy? eat. Bored? eat. Congratulation dinners, consolation dinners, special occasion dinners... all food, all the time)

I wrote this helluva response and it's all gone! Gone! *&*^#$%#$@$@$!%!


Gee, anyway, I agree with your summation about everything we do revolves around food. IT's such a part of our American culture and our portion size is too much. The good thing is a lot of people are now aware of this and are doing somethng about it.

It's too bad your friend couldn't get beyond the weight you have lost. You should have pointed it out to her.

She was probably just overwhelm by your beauty!lol!

I think a lot of people comment on the weight thing because it's an easy conversational gambit. After all, one's body shape is right there during in person conversations.

Accomplishments are more important than what someone weighs, but unless people start wearing a badge or a t-shirt that says, "I just (fill in accomplishment here) !" then it takes a bit more effort to find that info out. Even among friends, I it still takes a conversational beat longer than it does to comment about the readily visible. Unless you actually get that tattoo, it's just naturally going to take longer to talk about the accomplishments. Then again, all accomplishments might pale before the fact you have a tattoo on your forehead.

Another thing about commenting on wieght-loss is some symbolism I believe is instrinsic to the statement but not one that gets well articulated. Weight loss, at it's best, is about making the choices to live a healthy life style and maintaining a commitment to that. But socially, we're not really trained to comment on this deeper value. The awareness usuall gets expressed as, "WOW! You've lost weight" or another awkward but similar sentiment. But I think most North Americans would feel kind of stupid saying, "WOW! You really look like you're maintaining a commitment to a healthy lifestyle!" Maybe that sounds condescending, too. Still, I think it's really hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle in a modern world so to me it's a great acheivement. I think we lack the words to express this kind of stuff.
Maybe your Mom makes these comments because she knows you so well that she is able to take your academic skills forgranted. Sometimes, when you are good at something, even if you struggle a bit to achieve it, people kind of have an "Well, naturally you'd finish your thesis!" and comment more about something that is actually more of a struggle for you. I'm guessing here because I don't know you that well. Partly, I say this because that's what my mom does.
I usually just stick with, "You look great." It's safe, etc. But if I knew you had been struggling with wieght issues, I'd also want to say something about how I admire the discipline, patience and skill it takes to achieve it.

At any rate, if you were able to do your thesis and all this healthy life-style stuff, you DEFINITELY rock!

ha! I wish!




Ok, so the tattoo may not be a good idea... but I could always make a t-shirt.

Seriously though, she asked "So, what have you been up to besides going to the gym?" And I listed all the cool stuff. She said, "Oh, that's cool. I just can't believe how good you look!" It isn't that the other stuff wasn't brought up, she just didn't care as much.

My mom doesn't bother me so much not because she knows how much I've struggled (which really hasn't been much) but because how hard it is for her to lose weight. She's got a thyroid problem, so losing weight is pretty difficult for her. Still, it would be nice to hear "I'm so proud of you" for stuff other than losing weight. She says it for the other stuff, but in one weekend, she must have commented on my weight five or six times! She doesn't ignore the academic stuff, just seems to get stuck on the weight loss.

Trust me, I already knew that. The only reason I'm losing weight this time is 1. I stopped looking for a quick fix / miracle pill / miracle workout 2. I cut caloric intake 3. Started working out.

It hasn't been fast, but it's been effective. Imagine that! Cutting and burning calories actually works! I should write my own book...

And it would be a break-away best seller, sit on people's shelves, and the country would still be fat!

I think it's genius!