I presented my thesis on fantasy literature yesterday at an academic conference. I had a lot of fun answering questions, and especially in the 2.5 hour conversation I had with a member of the audience after my panel section was done.
I tell you that to tell you this: I heard a paper by a young woman who had an eating disorder, and she opened my mind to something I could have never thought to be a problem. True, her paper had nothing to do with literature, and should not have been included, but it did open my eyes.
This young lady is black and has always been teased, tormented and watched because she is too skinny! That's right, she is too skinny. She said that throughout her life, people have told her how much more beautiful if she would gain 10, 15 or even 20 pounds! Imagine! People telling a woman that gaining weight would make her more beautiful.
Thing is, this girl is naturally a size 2. She began to gorge herself with food. She binged on junk food night and day. Her mother believed she had the "white girl's disease" bulimia. They thought it was insulting for her to be so thin, as though they could not afford to feed her. Her mother began to weigh her every day, forced her to eat in front of her. The girl ate more and more, damaging her body just as surely as if she were anorexic or bulimic.
She said one day, a white friend said to her, "You are so lucky to be so thin. I hate to diet. I can never seem to be skinny enough. It must be nice to have a boyfriend that wants you to look like a real woman."
The white girls were told that size 2 is where they should be, while the black girls were told to be plus sized. "Big lips, big boobs, big hips, that's what makes a black woman beautiful." she said. This girl has no hips, and small breasts. In her culture, she is not beautiful.
Now, I still don't think her disorder was as physically damaging as anorexia and bulimia, but that doesn't mean it is any less psychologically damaging.
I sat beside her, looking at myself. If we could change bodies, we would be accepted by our cultures. I am "curvy" according to friends and "fat" according to, well, non-friends. She was all angles and bones. We each wanted to be what the other was.
So, why do we do this to ourselves? I can't just blame the men for women feeling as though they must look a certain way to be considered beautiful, because women do it as much to each other if not more.
It had never occurred to me that a woman could be "too skinny" at a size 2. I thought that's what the world wanted. Apparently only part of the world. Only recently have white women come under fire for being too thin, but only when photographers can count every rib and see every bone. Size 2 is ideal, size 4 at most. I didn't know that someone could be considered too thin to be beautiful because her culture prefers women to be round and curvy.
Just thought I would share.