I agree with you but it took me a few more years than you to figure this out.

I thought love was "you complete me" but that is BS. Finding someone to share your life with should be the icing on the cake not the cake.

I think you don't "find" your soulmate. I think you can become each other's soulmates by sharing your souls with each other.

I'm perfectly fine living as a hermit and shunning society. Not that I'd be 100% happy...but I'd be alright. As a person, I feel I've got myself somewhat figured out. I'd like to be in a relationship, as most people would, but I can live without it....if I couldn't then I'd be dead because I've been single for awhile. Love isn't a magical fix...but it certainly is a nice accessory to life.

~Zoo

Locamama: I'm not sure when I came to this conclusion, but the longer I do my RA job, the more I know I'm right. I see all of these girls basing their happiness on guys, and then things fall apart and they are devastated. So sad.

I like your cake analogy. Very good. I may have to use it in the future.

Zoo: Yay, another hermit! Sometimes, I think being a hermit is better than being around people. But then, I like speaking to other humans on occasion, so I come out of my cave.

"a nice accessory to life" I like that too. You guys are great at these images.

I agree that there is not one "soul mate" that we must find.

I think there are people with whom we are incompatible and people with whom we could learn to be compatible, with varying degrees of success.

Companionship is not a cure-all, but having a partner in life can make happy things happier, and difficult things easier to cope with.

Companionship is not a cure-all, but having a partner in life can make happy things happier, and difficult things easier to cope with.

True, I'm sure. However, at the moment, I am writing this type of article to convince myself that I do not need a man to be happy. It's going pretty well, but I doubt it from time to time.

But you know what? Rum is almost as good as a boy. At least I know the rum is going to hurt me tomorrow... it never lies. It's very clear on the fact that it will make me happy today, and hungover tomorrow.

I agree with Tolkien.

In fact, I have thought the same thing pretty much my whole life.

He just said it better.

I think sometimes if you are very very lucky you stumble on your soulmate and recognize them right away and somehow manage to convey it to the other person, who you find out felt the same thing you did. It is rare, but it happens.

You have a good point; none of us need another person to be happy. This is a point that several of the self-help books that I've read (mostly during and after my divorce) hit upon, and it struck a chord with me then, as it does now.

It can be much more satisfying to find happiness within yourself. You actually owe it not only to yourself but to your future potential partner to find that inner happiness. Working on your own shortcomings (i.e. - that which makes you unhappy about yourself) can become much harder once you're in a relationship with someone else.

Sometimes I think that I've gone overboard in withdrawing from others, though. While I don't need to be in a relationship, I'm going to need to seek out friends now and again. It's probably why I've spent more time online actually interacting with people lately.


Good luck convincing yourself.

Isn't he wonderful? I'm pretty sure there's not a single life situation I face where I cannot find the answer in Tolkien. It's not a religion with me or anything, but it makes a good life philosophy.



I hope this happens to me. I'm not bitter enough to reject all thoughts of love... but I'm not going to count on it. I hate having my hopes dashed. I know it happens though, because I've seen it in my parents.

A friend of mine said something interesting last night. She said a soul mate is someone who changes your life in some way. You may not be with that person forever, and it may not be romantic, but this person affects great change in your life. By that meaning, she and I are soul mates. I kinda liked that idea. It goes along with an idea of reincarnation and karma coming back to you in each life... which is not something I believe in in truth, but I like the idea of. She was meant to be my friend, and I am a better person because of her. And, if we did "live again", I'd like to think we'd be friends in that next life. Anyone I want to see in a next life would qualify as a soul mate.



So very, very true.



Thanks. It's an ongoing process. Some days it easier than others. Today, I'm so busy with finals that I wouldn't have time for a guy if I had one. I think God's trying to make a point with that knowledge...

I don't believe in the idea of a single, unbeatable soul mate. But I do think there are people, both men and women, I am meant to meet in my life. Sometimes this might only be until I learn something about myself through them or vice versa. Sometimes this might be for longer. I am hoping some of them will be for life too, but there is no way I can tell this yet.

I have had plenty of girlfriends (sorry, I'm not trying to sound like I'm bragging, just letting you know my... erm, experience). Some I should have never started a relationship with but did anyway. Some I've always loved and will continue to love. Others taught me a lot about myself. Still others learnt a lot from me. The thing is, without these experiences, these relationships, I would never have been the person my wife fell in love with and loves as much today as she ever did (I being presumptious, but I know she'd agree). I'm closer to my wife than any of my former girlfriends, obviously but not in the 'she completes me' way or a pithy 'Love Is...' cartoon sentiment. She and I are intelligent, thinking adults and we know we go together really well. Independance is a big thing for both us (and I'm not talking about the free-wheeling 'swinger' type of independance either). We help each other, support each other, do for each other and love each other unequivocally.

If you aren't happy to begin with, no one else can make you that way. If you are not already a complete person, no one else can make you that way. You, and only you, can make yourself a complete and happy person.

Very well said, SHE. I agree completely. I think this is something a lot of people have problems understanding. Money might buy you things to make you happy for a little while, but true happiness is more often discovered accidentally and given away freely. Great article.

You should never look for a man to complete you, you have to make you happy first. You have to love yourself first. And when you do, and you find someone like Elie commented and like Tex said, and Maso said; Each a bit of everything thrown in and mix together can make the person that makes you happy and you share the love that you both will enjoy.

A relationship is never perfect, as you know, and it requires a lot of work. Anyone who goes into a relationship and expect it to be a bed of roses and they won't have to lift a finger to make it work is mistakenly dillusional. That's why knowing a bit of who you are is important. YOu might not know everything, but you know something and that much helps you to have a better relationship with your partner. And yes, that old cliche, 'he/she completes me' is true because there are nuances in each individual's relationship that will make a person feel this way.

If you aren't happy to begin with, no one else can make you that way. If you are not already a complete person, no one else can make you that way.You, and only you, can make yourself a complete and happy person.

I agree, and disagree.

First, i think before anyone at all gets (or in some cases, thinks...) about a relationship, they need to be happy with: who, what, how, why, when, and why.

Who they are. How they are. Why they are (the way they are...). When (are they at where they planned on being at the point in time.), and Why?

I realized this when i first got into a relationship; I wasn't ready.

Secondly, I believe that the person you are with (whether it be male or female) can make you happy. That doesnt mean that you should rely on them to make you happy, you come first - in that you have to maintain yourself. It's a two way street. You have to be good to go, otherwise you can't be a friend, partner, lover, etc... to your mate/S.O. Ya know?

I've always felt that a soul mate, is merely a person whom you care about (love), and are compatible with to a large digree. (Which is said to be their soul-mate, seemingly destined together.)

Then again, every one has a different view. I know that my girlfriend is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. We may not be completely "compatible," but that's life. Besides, it only makes us work harder.

I love her, beyond words.

Sleep time now....mmm, sounds good.

Peace, ~L