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Published on June 14, 2007 By Sugar High Elf In Misc
I don't understand people's obsession with weight loss! I've talked about this before, and it is quite likely that I will talk about it again, but I really feel as though I have to talk about it now.

You see, at the beginning of this year, I took all the anger/rage/hatred I had for my ex and channeled it into exercise. I lost a little over 20 lbs. I felt better -- not only because I was healthier, but because I was finding a positive outlet for my negative emotions. But then, people started commenting on the way I looked. They noticed the weight loss, and told me that I looked better. Not long after the compliments started pouring in, I stopped working out.

Wait? I what? That's right, I stopped working out. I got tired of people noticing my body. When I was at my heaviest, people tended to ignore my appearance. I wasn't obese, so no one snickered -- I was just fat enough that no one noticed me. But, once I started losing the weight, it became obvious that people did notice, and I hated the attention. It's not that I'm horribly shy, it's just that I feel that there's more to me than boobs and a slimmer waist.

I hated the importance people suddenly placed on my weight. I wrote about how annoyed I got when people commented (especially when they implied how much easier it would be for me to snag a man). But, I think it went deeper than being annoyed at other people's shallowness. I simply did not want that attention. They were no longer looking at me, but looking at my pants' size. It made me uncomfortable rather than proud. I actually felt worse about myself because suddenly, I knew there was no reason for me to be the size I was.

Ok, sure, the mild depression kick I went on didn't help either... but I honestly stopped working out because I hated the attention, the comments, the friends saying how good I looked. What? Did I look so disgusting before? It actually hurt my self esteem because I began to imagine how they must have thought of me before. I began thinking that they saw me as a Jabba the Hutt kind of creature and now I was merely... well, I can't think of anything right now, but I will eventually.

So, I decided to be fat. Then, people would leave me alone. It was all so much simpler that way.

I know. It's stupid.

Now, I'm trying to live the healthy life again. It's not easy because of who I'm living with. She was once a big girl and lost something like 70 lbs. Now, she eats everything organic, runs and lives a perfect little life. I get so annoyed when she comments on my food choices, or my exercise habits. She thinks she's helping, but she's really driving me nuts! I actually found myself justifying tuna fish to her. I don't owe her any explanations. I'm 23 years old now. I am responsible to me, myself and I. I don't owe explanations or justifications to anyone. Really. If I want to eat a hot fudge, oreo milk shake every day for lunch, I can do that and I don't have to answer to anyone! She actually said to me, after her run yesterday, "I was going to ask you to come with me, but you had just eaten barbecue, so I thought I would go for a run and make you feel guilty." REALLY? Because all I felt was cool, not sweaty, and well fed after a wonderful meal. Guilt never entered my mind.

I know she's trying to help, but if she doesn't back off soon, I'm going to dump a glass of organic milk on her head! I need to do this for me, not because someone is making me feel bad about who I am right now. I will change if I decide to change, and not because someone tells me I should. That's the only way it can work. Otherwise, I will just decide to be fat.

Comments
on Jun 14, 2007
I'm lucky. I'm a guy. If I lose weight, the only attention I'll get is "Oh, you lost some weight. Still going bald, I see." So it's not a big deal. I'm sorry you got all that unwanted attention, but seriously, they compliment only because they thought that's what you wanted to hear. Just because you're more pleasing to the eye at one point in your life doesn't mean you were the blob for the rest of it.

As for the roomie, don't dump organic milk on her. She's just trying to help. Start offering her all the stuff you eat. "Want a hot fudge oreo milkshake?" "How about some BBQ?" Especially things you know she would never eat. Maybe she'll get the hint?
on Jun 14, 2007

they compliment only because they thought that's what you wanted to hear.

That's what I would have thought as well.

on Jun 14, 2007
One of my friends decided to confess her junk food habit to me. She said, "I can't believe it. You know what I actually eat sometimes?" I was anticipating a really juicy confession, after all, we would cook dinner together and then have Hagen-dasz for dessert. So of course I'm expecting to hear something like, double-butter deep fried ice cream donuts with chocolate sauce. Or something.
Then she continues, "sometimes I eat Campbell's soup."

I just stare at her. Huh?

People and their warped ideas of food, eh? (just a little Canadian accent for you!)

Whip is right. You have to tell your roomie now. Ha ha or you will have a food fight! ROFNL.

One point, though. You've probably already considered this, but maybe her comments are also meant more for herself to bolster herself from falling off the health wagon.
on Jun 14, 2007
You shouldn't care what other people think, especially just random people. What should matter is how you feel about your body and if you're living a healthy lifestyle. For example, I'm not huge (I'm a size 8) but I feel out of shape and unhealthy so this summer I've been trying to exercise and eat better foods. It's not about how other people see me, because a lot of people tell me I look good. It's how I see myself and how I feel.
on Jun 14, 2007
I agree but if you are in hunting mode fat girls turn men off. I don't mean to be offensive --it is a fact of life.
on Jun 14, 2007
SHE,

You hit on a major pet peeve of mine. People don't know it but sometimes they actually sabotage weight loss with their comments without knowing it.

I am a very private person. I know people mean well when they compliment me on weight loss, but I don't like to have attention drawn to it.
on Jun 14, 2007
Jythier ~ Oh, I know they were trying to be nice. I never got mad at any of them for saying it, and part of me did feel good when they did, but there was that other part of me... it just drove me nuts.

LW ~ I know you're right. I need to go ahead and say something. I know she's trying to be helpful, and I appreciate the idea, but I don't need it rubbed in my face.

Doc ~ I realize it, but they happened to be wrong. And, I should point out, that this is something I've only realized within the past week. I knew I felt uncomfortable when people made comments about my weight loss, but until my roommate started in, I hadn't realized that my lack of going to the gym was because I was just trying to get people to stop noticing my body. When I went out and bought ice cream, oreos, hot fudge and caramel sauce after my roommate did her "make you feel guilty about not exercising" thing, I realized what I was doing. I realized it, because I was having an imaginary conversation with her where I was telling her to butt out. The goofy things crazy people do, huh?

momijiki ~ You're right, actually. 1. soup? That's bad now? Dang... I'm in trouble. and 2. She is trying to keep herself "healthy". I put it in quotes, because she managed to finish off a pint of Rocky Road for dinner, but then went for a run. She could be doing better, and she knows it. She's trying to make herself feel superior to me, in order to justify her actions to herself. She isn't doing it on purpose by any means. If she was, I would have no problem telling her off. But, she justifies everything to herself, and always has. Anything she does, that she wishes she didn't, she talks herself into believing it's ok. So, if I ate barbecue and didn't run and she ate ice cream but did run, she's the better person. I understand it, but it really doesn't help me out any.

amanda ~ I started working out for me, then other people became a part of it, and I didn't like it. And, while it is easy for me to say that you are right, and I shouldn't care what other people think, I have a hard time living up to that. I've been extremely self conscious my entire life, and I doubt that that will ever change. Sometimes I forget about appearances and just have fun with people, but then, I look in a mirror and realize my hair is flat, I have a zit on my chin, and I look huge. Now, I don't notice these things about other people, so I don't know how often they really notice them about me... but I feel so out of place. I'm not "huge" and I know it... but I'm not "thin" by any means either. I'm actually in good shape -- I can outrun most of the "skinny" girls at the gym with no problem. I love to hike and kayak, and have little problems with either.

Part of writing about this was to remind myself of why I wanted to work out, and why I should want to work out, and to keep myself from making the same mistakes over again. As long as I remember how I react to compliments, I can choose to react differently in the future.

adnauseam ~ I am not in "hunting mode." The only times I have been in "hunting mode", I have been dressed in camouflage, had a gun over my shoulder, and I was waking up early in the morning. As for turning guys off, I realize that not every guy will find me attractive, just as I will not find them attractive, but I have hardly been single my entire life, and have been called gorgeous, beautiful and sexy multiple times. I'm not worried about losing weight for a guy. Besides, if a guy can't dig me as a fat chick, the marriage will never work, because I guarantee weight gain with children. And, since skinny guys turn me off, I imagine I can find a husky fella who likes me just the way I am.

Gideon ~ I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's going to be hard for me to figure out what to say to well meaning folks. "Thanks for the compliment, but I'd rather not have attention drawn to my weight loss. So, what's new in your life?" I suppose that will work.
on Jun 14, 2007
It's how I see myself and how I feel.


Amanda is correct here. It's how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself, despite what others think.


Part of writing about this was to remind myself of why I wanted to work out, and why I should want to work out, and to keep myself from making the same mistakes over again.


This is really key and I'm glad you have realised this for yourself.


Somehow other people always gets mixed into the equation of yourself. They want to say something and sometimes its a good thing and other times it is not. Especially when it comes to weight issues which can be so sensitive to the person involved. It always makes me wonder, gee, did I look so horrible before I started working out? No, it's just they never really paid attention before, at least, not some people. It can be a bit distracting but don't internalise it, continue to do what you're doing and change the subject if you can or get moving away from the person.



And yea, definately say something to that room mate. She's definately trying to justify her own actions, eating a pint and then running...smells fishy to me!

And SHE there's nothing wrong with eating whatever you want to eat as long as you know your limits and as long as you know you're on a program for yourself. Ignore the hater!
on Jun 14, 2007
Human... check. Female... check. That's it.
on Jun 15, 2007
SHE? Hottie. (For the record. I've seen pics; I know.)

whip? Also hottie. (Seen pics. I know.)

Amanda? Very hottie. (Seen pics, I know.)

adnauseum? Ugly. (Don't need to see pics, I just know.)

on Jun 15, 2007
This reminds me of something my sweetie told me once. He said that people who usually give up a bad habit successfully (eating bad, smoking, drinking, etc.)try to get others to live "their way"...

Since she took off the pounds, she finds it necessary to "lecture" you sometimes.

Maybe she'll realize that instead of inspiring you, she is annoying the heck out of you.




on Jun 15, 2007
SHE? Hottie. (For the record. I've seen pics; I know.)

whip? Also hottie. (Seen pics. I know.)

Amanda? Very hottie. (Seen pics, I know.)

adnauseum? Ugly. (Don't need to see pics, I just know.)


wow, I agree four times in the same day!

LOL!
on Jun 16, 2007
I've seen your pictures SHE.  Your beautiful the way you are.  If you want to lose weight, I say go for it all the way...but if you don't...then well, frankly, you're still a hottie.
on Jun 16, 2007
I agree but if you are in hunting mode fat girls turn men off. I don't mean to be offensive --it is a fact of life.



I missed this comment and am surprise at you Adnauseam! If that were the case, there would be a lot of single women around the world! It's not a fact and you need to put glasses on are start with some inner self examination!
on Jun 17, 2007
I wasn't trying to fish for compliments... but I must say, I like to get online and see that people think I'm hot. You guys made my day. Thanks.